Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz!
I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Arnold Schwarzenegger” with a minor in “Fighter Jet Sweaters”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!
In this actioner, an American spy joins forces with a Russian agent to try to stop a murderous terrorist from escalating tensions between their countries.
That is the only plot synopsis that exists online for this Denmark-made train wreck, however I found this text off the back of the back of the VHS box:
Programmed to kill… Not afraid to die. The Russian Terminator…
A ruthless underground weapons and drug organization is out to undermine the growing relations between East and West. Their plan is to extort the necessary information from a powerful Western Government official by kidnapping his daughter’s fiancé. Enter Mark Robinson, a former FBI agent recruited by the West to wipe out the terrorists and foil their plan…but the KGB has its own strategy for crushing this conspiracy: a mysterious one-man death squad known only as THE RUSSIAN TERMINATOR. The body count rises quickly as these two warriors race against time and each other in this explosive action adventure.
Be aware that none of what I just read may actually be true because although the VHS box reads Russian Terminator, neither of the characters displayed on the box are actually in the movie. They’re just two random people with guns posed in front of the silhouette of Moscow’s Saint Basil Cathedral.
The Russian Terminator was released 1989 just as the Berlin Wall was coming down and the world was getting sick and tired of the Cold War and despite it’s title and deceiving tag line it’s not about a cyborg Russian killing machine but rather a Russian who is also a ninja. In fact alternate titles include Russian Ninja, or Ninja Mission: Russian Terminator and in spite of all this the hype the Russian Terminator is actually only a minor character.
It’s a movie trying to be American action film made by Scandinavians, about a Russian Ninja starring a bunch of random Dane’s and a Kenny Roger’s look-alike resulting 90 minutes of incomprehensible plot involving missing “papers”, gratuitous action sequences, fighter-jet sweaters, and dialogue that was surely learned phonetically and delivered with hilariously misplaced inflection.
IMDB user reviews confirm that people from Denmark consider this movie a national tragedy. Some seem sapped of their national pride saying, “I was actually mostly surprised to find out that this film was produced here in my homeland Denmark…that must have been the biggest mistake this country ever made.”
Others seem existentially pulverized wondering, “Why did I buy this movie? And what must I do with it now?”
Russian Terminator has a 2.3 on IMDB and with an audience score of %20 on Rotten Tomatoes it is the first film of the semester that doesn’t have a Rotten Tomatoes critic score, an honor only dished out to the worst and most obscure Supercult titles.
Russian Terminator has been featured on Red Letter Media’s “Best of the Worst” series and has been compared to “Birdemic” and “The Room”. It is a proud addition to our pantheon of hilariously bad movies.
The Supercult Show proudly presents Russian Terminator!