Space Truckers

Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz! I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Square Pigs” with a minor in “Venn Diagrams”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!

This week Supercult revs up it’s motorized wang in preparation for Space Truckers!

space_truckers_poster_01

John Canyon is a trucker. But not just any old trucker. Canyon is a SPAAAAAACE Trucker, one of the last independent cargo delivery men in the galaxy, able and willing to take anything anywhere, no questions asked if the price is right. But when Canyon kills his boss, gets engaged to a waitress in exchange for a ride, and takes a deal to transport some sex dolls to Earth things get a little complicated. Can John Canyon and his makeshift crew deliver the goods, or is this load of trouble too much to handle? Earth’s only hope is Space Truckers!

Released in April 1996, right alongside Supercult Classics Dragon Heart, Kazaam, Space Jam, Jingle All the Way (damn, 1996 was a good year for bad movies), Space Truckers is what you would get if you spliced together National Lampoon’s Vacation and Ridley Scott’s Alien. The film was actually scripted by former National Lampoons editor Ted Mann, who described it as “the first outer space road movie.” Mann said the film has, “no scientists, no techies, none of the unusual polished, sanitary environments we’re used to in our space films. Space is like anywhere else – the people who are there are underpaid and poorly regarded.” It’s a compelling idea on the surface: a rebellion against the stereotypical sleekness of Star Trek, Dune, Blade Runner, and even parodies like Spaceballs and send-ups like Supercult classic Flash Gordon. The only problem is that sci-fi had been making gritty, anti-establishment jabs at itself for decades up to this point. Brazil, Total Recall, 12 Monkeys, Fifth Element…even Demolition Man turned things on its head by making their future obnoxiously sleek and clean! The only place that Space Trucker’s truly innovates is being vulgar and downright insulting to women.

Rape and sexual favors are major plot points in the film, not to mention some of the sci-fi costumes were designed by Hajime Sorayama, a Japanese painter known for his detailed and often erotic portrayals of women and feminine robots. The result is a movie about men blasting sexy space androids while fighting over scantily clad women whose only form of agency is to offer to bang whoever can get her out of her current jam.

Some of you Supercult veterans might be thinking, “Wait…sexy robots, sexy girls, and road trips? Sounds like a sci-fi version of Showgirls! What’s so bad about that?” Well first of all Showgirls is an unabashedly NC-17 rated soft-core porn film that grossed $20 million at the box office and probably millions more from rentals. Space Truckers is a PG-13 raunchy, sci-fi comedy film with bad CG, a budget of $25 million and a box office return of $1.6 million.

They even have the same dramatic movie voice-overs!

Space Truckers has a 5.2 on IMDB and a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. Respectable film critics panned this movie and called it what it was: a movie that resorts to fat jokes and references to a motorize robotic wang that is started with a pull cord.

We are not respectable film critics. We aren’t even respectable members of Yelp! Space Truckers is too dumb for smart people, to clever for idiots, too vulgar for snobs, and too tame for creeps. In the middle of that Venn diagram…is Supercult. The disgusting, disdainful, disturbed, deft, delightfully depraved dimwits that this movie was made for!

They’ve shipped everything from square pigs to anti-gravity beer… But now they’ve got a load of real trouble.

The Supercult show is proud to present, Space Truckers!

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