Vikingdom

Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz! I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Hot Topic” with a minor in “Objectively Awesome Paganism”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!

This week Supercult preys to a hammer and buys stock in manliness to prepare for Vikingdom!

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In the midst of time comes the clanging of steel against steel, a collision of myth, history, and fiction… Thor, the God of Thunder, is on a mission to overthrow Christendom and open the path for the pagan Viking Gods to conquer and rule mankind once more. Only one man can stop him: Elrick, the undead. Live by the Sword! Die like a Viking! This is Vikingdom!

Okay, let’s be real for a second. The Greek Mythology is objectively cooler than what Christianity, Judaism, or Islam have to offer. Hercules, punching anything with too many or too few body parts, Zeus sleeping with everything that moves, and specific gods to handle everything from war and the underworld to rainbows and frat parties… The Greeks really knew how to please a crowd. But they ain’t got nothin’ on the Vikings. The Norse pantheon was developed in a time when men were men and so were the Women. There are no pansies in Asgard. Even the traitors and jerk-wads are certifiably badass. Thor in particular is one of the manliest men of all time. He frequently eats, drinks, and kills more stuff than any other god, he rides a chariot led by two immortal goats that Thor can cook, eat, and then resurrect to drive the chariot again, we named a day of the week after him, and he’s also dating Natalie Portman. So, forgive me if I lose interest, when discussing a movie where our hero is on a harrowing mission to stop Thor from overthrowing Christianity and re-instating an objectively more awesome pantheon.

Vikingdom was released in 2013 and was directed my Malaysian director, writer, actor, producer, and special effects supervisor Yusry Abd Halim. Us American film buffs might scoff at a jack-of-all trades like Yusry, after all, we’re used to a bit more specialization (except in the case of especially great Supercult films where the writer, director, producer, and star are all the same person). However, the often overlooked benefit of a director with an eclectic background is a film that is unified in its vision and execution. Vikingdom is bad, yes, but it revels it its badness like a hog rolling in warm crap-infused mud.

The film is basically a string of ridiculous and nonsensical action scenes. Thor himself is a growly beefcake that refuses to use doors, preferring to kick them into splinters, while the hero is an equally growly Viking version of Sylvester Stallone, the only difference being Stallone would growl his way to victory alone, while Eirick, played by Dominic Purcell, has a bevy of cohorts such as ‘the Asian one’ and ‘the girl’. One minute our team will be fighting a giant CG rock-dog-thing and another they’ll be doing John Woo slow-motion dives with bows and arrows. At some point you’ll see a golden wall full of ladies and you’ll just be forced to shrug and go with it. That’s the kind of movie Vikingdom is.

Let’s also not forget the hair in this movie. EVERYONE’S hair in this movie is pretty dumb. Cheesy Viking wigs galore, people. But the silliest of them all is Thor himself who seems to have stolen a tub of red hair dye from Hot Topic, and when we say red, we mean angsty-goth-clown-shoes-red.

Vikingdom was largely panned by critics, but many saw to its deliciously campy cream filling. Variety’s Dennis Harvey calls it “unpretentious fun”, Philip Martin says “Vikingdom is not a great movie, or even a very good one, but it is an original – and sort of adorable – one,” while Slant Magazine’s Drew Hunt says that, “Intentionally or Otherwise, Yusry Abd Halim allows the film, in all its candy-colored visuals and slow-mo-laden action scenes, to revel in its inherent campiness.”

Despite this and other glowing testimony Vikingdom was a massive box office bomb earning just over $550 thousand from an estimated budget of $15.6 million. Vikingdom has a 3.4 on IMDB, a 43% on Rotten Tomatoes, and all the excitement, manliness, and camp of a Viking-themed dinner show at Medieval Times.

So grab yourself a tankard of mead, a roasted turkey leg, your favorite shade of Hot Topic brand neon hair dye!

The Supercult Show proudly presents Vikingdom!

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