Hello Supercult West! This is student council president of the Class of 1999, Cameron Coker. A little about me, um, I’m planning on going for a BS in “Education” with a minor in “mixing it up this week” once I get into college. And, uh, I’m here to talk about my school here in Bend, Oregon.
I’d say it’s pretty normal, I guess. We use prison jump suits as uniforms. We’ve got a lot of lockers decorated with…um…student art projects? Unfortunately I’m currently hiding in one of those lockers hiding from my substitute teacher Mr. Bolen. He seemed like a cool guy at first. Very disciplined. Sort of got that stern army vet vibe going for him. But then he got on the wrong side of some of the bad apples in our class. Good ol’ Class of 1999, am I right? Hahaha…ha…
So anyway now I’m hiding from my substitute teacher because he’s killed half the student body and a good amount of the staff. I think he might be a terminator or something? I don’t know. It’s not really clear. He’s bullet proof, he doesn’t look at explosions, he speaks almost entirely in one-liners, and he has a thing for enforcing extreme levels of discipline. I mean yeah, our school is a violent, drugged up dystopia, on the brink of being directed by George Miller, but now I’m on the run for being tardy! YOU try being on time when you can’t get to school without navigating my way through an array of Predator style booby traps!
Anyway have fun doing whatever it is you do in the relative safety of NOT here at my school. When you watch the documentary of my school be sure to take a shot every time my bloodthirsty substitute says a school related pun, every time our leading lady gives someone an awkward hug, and whenever anyone says the words “discipline” or “mission”. Oh crap, I think someone’s coming! Get down and be quiet!
Supercult West presents Class of 1999 II: The Substitute!