Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “homophobic cops” with a minor in “testicular standoffs”) and I’m reaching out to you from Texas A&M to help hype tonight’s screening of Tammy and the T-Rex, a movie directed by the same guy who brought us Supercult classics like The Ice Pirates and Mac and Me!
Hey Supercultists, remember your very first kiss? Remember how god-awful you were at it? Remember how it was sloppy and wet in all the wrong places? Remember how it felt like your partner was trying to eat your face off? Remember how your body seemed to try to fight them off like an antibiotic? Remember how they wielded their mouth like your mom wields the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner trying to get dirt out of that crack between the armrest and the seat of her 1988 Honda Civic? Remember how it felt like you were in a rock, paper scissors match with each other’s lips and you lost that round? Remember how you thought to yourself, “Why do people like this? Why do people do this in PUBLIC!?”
And remember how, a week later…you wanted more?!
Tammy and the T-Rex is like that…but for Denise Richards and Paul Walker. Everyone saw Tammy and the T-Rex and threw up a little in their mouth. And then they went home and said, “You know I think I wouldn’t mind that guy if instead of being mauled by lions and turning into a big fake robot dinosaur with goofy sock-puppet human hands all he did was drive fastly and furiously. And you know, that girl might be okay if she was less of a whiny teenager who can’t act and instead was a whiny adult who can’t act but covers it up by flying starships full of troopers and killing giant alien bug monsters.”
So yeah. That’s Tammy and the T-Rex. We’re not gunna talk about the awful CG, or the psychopathic ex, or the weird testicle grabbing fight, or fact that they spend the entire movie trying to hide the platform the robot dinosaur is on, or any of that! No all I wanna talk about is how Tammy and the T-Rex is like making out with a slimy erect tuna and then years later remembering that moment with a sigh, and a wistful smile, while thinking, “It wasn’t all bad…” I mean, you get to see Paul Walker’s sexy 21-year-old-midriff!
Supercult West presents: Tammy and the T-Rex!