Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz! I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Maverick Cops” with a minor in “Ninja Sex”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!
This week Supercult answers the age old question of “What does a Ninja wear under his ninja outfit” with The Super Ninja!
John is a NYPD maverick framed on drug charges, but what the corrupt police and their evil ninja bosses don’t understand is that John is a ninja as well! Now John must escape from jail, rescue his girlfriend and her scientist father, and uncover a plot to steal a secret formula! And you know how much ninjas can’t resist a secret formula! Enter, The Super Ninja!
Do you like Ninjas?!? Yes? Congrats, you are now an honorary 80s kid. Yeah, that’s all it takes apparently, but you’ll never guess how much work I had to do to be licensed to tell you that!
The Super Ninja (aka Ninja Force, aka Ninja Squad: Killers Invincible) is a 1984 action thriller directed by Wu Kuo-Ren, who you may remember from such unforgettably trashy classics as Ninja Condors and Wu Tang vs Ninja. It stars a Alexander Rei Lo, Eugene Thomas, Mei Lo, Yi Tao Chang, Jack Long and bunch of people who you don’t know and who are all wearing ninja masks most of the time anyway. The important thing is that there are Ninjas and they do things like run sideways up trees, jump on top of another ninja’s sword and use it as a springboard to jump onto a roof, or light their hands on fire and then punch people with those hands, or have weird 10 minute sex scenes in the middle of the film (which I honestly fast-forwarded through because what’s the point if they aren’t even wearing ninja masks and sword fighting during the act?). If you’ve ever played an arcade side-scrolling beat-em-up video game, you’ve basically seen the cliff notes for this film.
The Super Ninja is like the Golden Corral of Ninja Movies: all the things you love about ninja and campy action films all in one place and all at half the quality you were hoping for. Do you like the cheesy but enjoyable 1982 Chinese film Five Elemental Ninjas? Well The Super Ninja also has five elemental ninjas! But we only have five and they’re all sort of lame compared to the entire teams of pyrotechnic, blinding, burrowing, fake tree-hiding, acrobatic water prancing originals. Do you like Rambo with his shirtless, bandana-wearing awesome-ness? Well The Super Ninja’s main character spends half the movie running around the woods setting lame traps and knifing corrupt cops like a fever dream threequel of Supercult Classic Deadly Prey. Do you like the pseudo spiritualism and bad-ass training montages from Supercult Classic The 36th Chamber of Shaolin? Well, in The Super Ninja, the main character is warned that he has no chance against the five elemental ninjas unless he can “Draw strengths from your future and past and see beyond the illusion of this world.” To which John responds, “Hmm.” But hey! They have sea food, fried chicken, pizza, AND steak!
The editing and cinematography are laughable, the fights and dialogue more-so. The Super Ninja feels like two completely different movies that have been smashed together unceremoniously and without taking each other out for dinner first: awkward, exploitative, a little too much skin, and plenty enjoyable if you have a few drinks and come in with the right attitude.
Thankfully Supercult is always prepared with both!
The Supercult show is proud to present, The Super Ninja!