Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Bromances” with a minor in “Candy Asses”) tonight’s Butt-numb-a-thon concludes with The Fast and the Furious 8, aka, the one where Dom goes rogue!
Over the course of the Fast and the Furious franchise, over 1,500 cars have been crashed, crushed, smashed, bashed, exploded, ignited, crumpled, flipped, dropped, chopped, torn apart, and god-damn drawn and quartered both on screen and behind the scenes. Sort of puts the slight pain in your buttocks into perspective, doesn’t it?
This time the Fast and Furious series is back featuring all new stars such as Academy Award Winner Charlize Theron’s weird white girl dreadlocks and that one bearded red head from Game of Thrones! It has all new locales such as…slightly different streets to race on, snow, and some B roll of New York City! It’s got an all new romantic subplot between Dwayne Johnson and Nathan Statham whose testosterone fueled bromance is so adorable, it almost makes us forget that Dwayne Johnson called Vin Diesel a candy ass when their on-set feud boiled over onto social media!
It’s even got all new CGI set pieces to keep the ADD addled masses interested such as a fleet of self-driving cars sliding around like ball bearings in a cake tin, and nuclear submarine for some reason…uhh, DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. The thing you should be thinking about is that you’ve been watching mediocre C+ action films for nearly 7 hours. That’s seven hours of all the borderline sexist slow-motion shots of dancing girls, all the Vin Diesel mumbling incoherently about family, and all the inane over the top action and one-liners that you’ve begrudgingly come to accept from this franchise that is single-handedly keeping Vin Diesel from falling off everyone’s radar for good!
The ride isn’t over Supercultsits…just 2 more hours to go!
It almost makes you want to re-watch the first four, right? Am I right!?
Supercult West is proud to present, The Fate of the Furious!
You think your butt hurts?